I ate a large breakfast with a lot of protein the morning that I was to embark on a solo camping trip in the woods, with nothing but my gear and a gallon of water.
The idea of being totally alone in the woods, in the silence with only my own thoughts was a welcome one, and also a little unnerving. I was excited and curious to see how it would go.
The reason for this trip was to really get in tune with myself. To meet the woman I’ve been searching for the last few years. The woman in me who I know will awaken and take me further along my success path than just I can.
When I arrived at camp I quickly set up my tent. I picked a good spot clear of rocks and pokey things, got my ground cloth in place and erected my 2 person tent.
I looked at my cozy new home and thought, “Now what?”
The purpose of this is to connect with myself, not be doing a task list- something in day to day life we fall victim to. Getting in our heads about all of the to-do’s on the list and not into our hearts.
I stood there and took in the scenery.
How much time had passed? How many more hours did I have left? It felt like an eternity had gone by.
I build a sundial. Yes, I got a stick and shoved it into the ground then put little rocks around it like a clock. Only about an hour had passed since I arrived. Damn.
I stood some more. Deep breaths. New view. And decided to sit on my sleeping bag and attempt meditation.
I’ve never meditated on my own before. I’ve always done guided meditations. I laid down to get more comfortable and fell asleep.
When I awoke the sun was beaming down on me- a much needed heat on my body. It was cold that morning. I had on 5 layers.
I looked at my sundial and surmised that 2 hours had passed. I don’t know if that was accurate or not.
So I decided to journal and reflect on why I do what I do.
I discovered something about myself that I disliked so much, I literally cried.
I’ve always stood back and observed people before putting myself out there. One might think it’s a tactic to keep myself safe, or its fear based. It is not.
I do it because I’m gauging the situation and the people. Silently judging who I want to interact with and who I don’t. Some people I determine are “above me” so I won’t interact with them because I feel less than. Some people I determine are “below me” so I won’t interact with them. I seek out the people who I think are on the same level as me and who I think will mesh well.
What a shitty way to be!
I didn’t even realize I did it!
Now that I have this realization, I get to choose to be different. To act differently. Instead of holding myself back, just showing up 100% me and letting my personality shine regardless of who you are. I get to be me all the time.
Daylight turned to dusk that turned to night. The stars were stunning in the black sky. Bats fervently soared above me feasting on bugs and making chirping type sounds, a large family of coyotes howled at the moon somewhere nearby and a gaggle of wild turkeys ran through my camp. The males proudly displaying their tail feathers. “Must be mating season,” I surmised.
I started feeling a little hungry so I drank a heap of water and bundled up in my sleeping bag. It was my husband’s from his time in the Army and I was thankful that it covered all but my eyes and bridge of my nose. It was COLD outside!
I nodded off and woke with the sunrise the next day. I fought off my inclination to create a to-do list of the things I needed to do back home and focused on being present in the forest. I stood and took in the morning dew. I watched the small birds and fluffy tailed squirrels begin their days of foraging in the fallen leaves.
I felt grateful and renewed. And determined to leave the judgmental girl there in the woods.
xoxo
Shay Kent
If you are a woman who is ready to step into the next level of herself, I can help. I specialize in teaching women to embrace their inner power, increase their confidence and create the lifestyle that they want.
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